@simoncholland: You can just start calling yourself an olympic hopeful. You don't have to fill out a form or anything.
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@iMikosnyc: Tonite on House Hunters: Jill wants 4 bedrooms, granite countertops and a home spa. Bob wants to be stabbed in the driveway.
@CornOnTheGoblin: We have to operate now if the cancer spreads anymore you won't be able to tell the difference between people & food "Are you nuts?" Dear God
@monica_L1257: *6yo comes out with dripping wet face* Me: what did you do? 6: my brother dared me to dip my face in the toilet water *speechless*
@Reverend_Scott: JUDGE: I find you guilty of murder. Sentenced to life. LAWYER: But it was only 20 minutes of murder. JUDGE: Oh, then you're free to go.