@1Happytwit: You can run but my rifle's got a scope.
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@badbanana: If you're about to be turned into stone by Medusa, strike a hilarious pose and at least lighten things up for the next guy.
@RoosterMustache: DATE: *gets in car* ME: hi *starts driving* DATE: how's it going? ME: first, gas is sparked in the combustion chamber to push the pistons
@CanadianPitbull: I know why you wear your wedding ring on your left hand guys. Cause once you say "I do" your right hand is gonna be awful busy.
@seandunn76: "What about this? What about this? And this?"--me, taunting museum curator MC Hammer.