@Grind_n_Roll: You can tell a lot about a person by autopsy.
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@JLazySAngus: Naming a dog after alcohol is cute until they run away and you scream their name until your neighbor brings you a bottle to shut you up.
@mattZillaaaa: I just sent a screen shot of my drunken tweets to my friends & they are still asking if I can come pick them up
@RBColl: Have you ever looked at someone's phone's selfie wallpaper and look at the owner and look again at their selfie and back again to the owner?
@Boba_Photo: 11yo: Daddy, why can't we get a dog? Me: I like our house the way it is. 11: What, small? Me: Go to your drawer.