@Laser_Cat: You can tell I come from a long line of hunters the way I cunningly stalk the rare Totino's Frozen Pizza.
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@illiter8too: So many athletes thank god for their wins, but I want to see athletes who angrily curse god when they lose.
@Book_Krazy: [Spelling bee] Your word is Monogamous. M-O-N-O-T-O-N-O-U-S *2 Judges stare at each other* 1st judge *nods* 2nd judge: "We'll allow it"
@DanMentos: "You've reached 911" Knock knock "Sir ple-" Knock knock "This is not-" Knock knock "ok, who's there?" Ben "Ben who" Ben shot real bad "NICE"
@AndyRichter: My body is a temple, but it's one of those temples in Thailand where they let monkeys shit all over the place