@StarksWeek: You can tell Tim Horton's is a Canadian franchise, because my donut just apologized for making me fat.
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@kumailn: Xmas Russian Roulette: 1. Sit next to parents. 2. Type any letter into browser on your laptop. 3. Go to the website it auto completes to.
@LoveNLunchmeat: All of my best fantasies include a French maid. She cleans the house while I nap.
@iamspacegirl: Santa: its snowing Christmas is canceled Put everything in the garbage Elves: no! Rudolph: what if I told you I had a very small red light