@StarksWeek: You can tell Tim Horton's is a Canadian franchise, because my donut just apologized for making me fat.
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@KateWhineHall: Pro tip: When quickly pulling into your garage to avoid your neighbor be sure your garage door is all the way up.
@Samzen_: Satan was all alone with Eve, NAKED, at the forbidden tree and all he did was to convince her to eat a fruit? GAY.
@li4mst3w4rt: me: it's too hot *opens window* *in comes 305430 flies, 43866 spiders, 91193 moths, a serial killer, a paedophile and a burglar* (HELP)
@sarcasm_inc: "2015 AND PETSMART STILL DOESN'T HAVE FITTING ROOMS," I say somewhat loudly as Fluffy has to try on sweaters right there in the aisle.