@StarksWeek: You can tell Tim Horton's is a Canadian franchise, because my donut just apologized for making me fat.
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@dsylixec: If you're trying to kidnap me, just wave a bag of cookies and throw it in a windowless van. I will happily and hungrily follow.
@daemonic3: Everyone, meet our new baby, Lucian "Aww, what a nice name" It's her dad's, so I picked his middle name "What is it?" Theskywithdiamonds
@Book_Krazy: *Arrives at work 2 hrs late Boss: HR wants to see you about your behavior Me: Well, I literally just got here so it couldn't have been me
@JesseWeller: You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that shit.