@StarksWeek: You can tell Tim Horton's is a Canadian franchise, because my donut just apologized for making me fat.
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@P_o_n_k: Using my phone screen as a light, I search for my phone. Behind 1way glass, a bunch of chimps in lab coats write on their clipboards and nod
@DCpierson: MOST RESTAURANTS: Waiter: "Have you dined with us before?" You: "No." Waiter: "Oh! Well, (*proceeds to describe a normal restaurant*)"
@StaceyShortcake: My phone autocorrects 'sex' into 'pez' in case you were wondering just how dead my pez life is.