@JimmerThatisAll: You can't choose your family but you can choose a hitman.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Fred_Delicious: To the people complaining about my tweets. Sorry I'm not justifying your monthly subscription of $0
@causticbob: An Italian engineer was kidnapped in Nigeria. Demands were sent via email to his family, but they just got deleted as spam.
@Darlainky: Dental hygienist: Whew! You’re all done with your cleaning. That took a bit longer than I expected. Me: *maintains eye contact while biting into Oreo* Thanks.