@Underchilde: You could kidnap my mom and she’d still ask if you’ve eaten.
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@HeyZeus666: I got mugged in college by a gang of Asians. Two of them held me down and a third corrected my math homework before fleeing into the night.
@ArfMeasures: SURGEON: I'm afraid that your Grandma is very critical ME: Oh no SURGEON: She *starts to tear up* she said I have a stupid haircut