@sweetandweak: You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.
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@MikeMcNeil_: wife: "HOW ARE WE OUT OF ICE AGAIN?" me: "DUNNO," I yell from the bathroom; the penguin and I can barely contain our laughter.
@RocketRankoon: Nothing says rock bottom quite like having your head in the oven for 45 minutes before you realize you forgot to pay the gas bill