@sweetandweak: You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.
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@kumailn: "Well we've been looking for this multiple homicide suspect for 5 minutes. Time to close the investigation forever." - cops in GTA 5
@TheCatWhisprer: Giving somebody a greeting card is the most festive way to deposit $5 into their trashcan.
@causticbob: Its funny how your parents tell you its their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.