@arcaduh: You don't have a Twitter account. Twitter has a You account.
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@GoldenSpirals: Mom called. She was worried. Thought maybe I moved because I haven't answered her email and she wouldn't know the new address to send it to.
@gerryhallcomedy: When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don't tell them you need it by a certain date.
@UncleDuke1969: Brain: You've got ONE shot at this. Me: Ready. Brain: Go talk to her. "YOUR HAIR IS THE COLOR OF HONEY CAN I TASTE IT?!?" Brain: Magical!
@13spencer: Tonight's Golden Globes taught us that, no matter how much you spend on surgery, nobody looks good while sweaty.