@dshack8: You don't know shit about pressure until you're the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you.
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@sip_at_home_mom: I own workout clothes for the same reason my buddies in high school bought condoms: I like to pretend there's a chance I'll need them.
@TragicAllyHere: *trapped in a sinking car* I should call 911 *car fills with water* Ugh I hate phone calls *head barely above water* Can I just text them
@NickBossRoss: Are we sure that we're supposed to look for a human to settle down with? Cause I'm discovering I have much more in common with this blanket.
@robdelaney: .@WebMD Should blood basically be cascading out of my nose when I look at the sun ?