@Donna_McCoy: You don't need Crossfit if you have to get to the mailbox and back whilst avoiding mosquitoes the size of chihuahuas.
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@flashember: ME: this is Inky my pet octopus, Stompy my elephant and Mr Butters my horse FRIEND: the horse isn't Hoofy or something? ME: grow up Kalvin
@egg_dog: Teacher: ok class bring your dioramas to the front of the class Me: [holding a bowl of diahorrea] oh no…
@RidiculousSheri: I usually roll around in the magazine aisle at Barnes and Noble before a date because I want to smell nice, but I'm on a budget.
@thenoahkinsey: Me: So if I call Canada it's billed as international? Phone rep: Yes. Cuz Canada is a country. Me: You should hear how ridiculous you sound.