@donni: You don't see many dog librarians. Probably because of the barking.
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@TheUnseenMe: You know that warm feeling you get when you look at your spouse? It's called acid reflux.
@joelu72: [being mugged] ME: can i keep things of sentimental value? ROBBER: ok ME:[pulling things from wallet] my favorite cash...my lucky debit card
@bornmiserable: Coming soon to Fox and Friends: a crime fighting duo useless at stopping mass shootings. They are THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS, Wednesdays at 9 pm.