@2tonbug: You found poison in his stomach? But he HATED poison!
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@skitzoette: Yes,I put my kid on a leash. I'm not scared of her being abducted. I just REALLY wanted a puppy instead.
@nbadag: THERAPIST: you're running from something. what do u think it might be? [goose outside the window does throat-slitting motion] ME: uh—failure
@Cherbearxo: I promised my trainer that I'd set a gym schedule I would commit to regularly. So, now every time there's a lunar eclipse I work out.
@Amusitr0n: Imagine the havoc if raccoons could fly. Rotund shadows grow larger over a pizza guy moments before he's swarmed by snarling, handsy demons.