@2tonbug: You found poison in his stomach? But he HATED poison!
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@markedly: Things Ted Cruz and I have in common: 1. Love butter 2. Shy eyes 3. Resurrected from the grave during satanic bloodmoon ritual 4. Brown hair
@bestlizard: A girl who bullied me in junior high just friended me on Facebook. Her three kids are named after trees. I win.
@bkdcasey: If it acts like a duck, sounds like a duck and looks like a duck, then it is probably some girl on Instagram taking a selfie.
@Douchekevin: Don't mix your medication with alcohol she said and we laughed and laughed and laughed & then took turns operating operating heavy machinery