@2tonbug: You found poison in his stomach? But he HATED poison!
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@MarfSalvador: [Restaurant] Date: I like guys who plan ahead Me: Excuse me, waiter! *Leans in* Make sure my widow here is well looked after
@SnizzleFrizzle: My kids are 23 and 13 and they still argue about who is my favorite. Warms my heart. Too bad it's neither of them.
@AdinaSunny: Mother Earth: I'm not a regular mom. I'm a Cool Mom. [humans pollute the atmosphere and destroy nature] Earth: This is fine. I'm a Cool Mom
@Elizasoul80: I walk around in public saying "wait for me guys" so everyone thinks I have friends.