@mofrorock: "You go girl" - asking my girlfriend to move out, but sassy like
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@Midgetspar: Remember: You can kill someone and wear their skin as a suit, but it's not identity theft until you use their debit card. Be smart about it.
@Fred_Delicious: [gets found guilty of murder] [sentenced to 3 years of listening to Pitbull on repeat] [appeals] [gets sentence reduced to lethal injection]
@BeardSpice: [sitting in doctor's office] It's bad news. You have a rare case of contagious memory loss. "What do you mean?" I can't remember.
@MedikalMiracle: "Hey, long time. Wassup?" should be auto-corrected to "Dude. Can you do me a favor?"