@CoreyKeyz: You got 30 minutes to text me back or I'm breaking into your house & responding to myself.
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@AaronFullerton: "What are you doing? Are you writing down everything I'm saying?! IS THIS GONNA BE A SONG?!?!" -anyone dating Taylor Swift
@T_Bonezzz_: My sister let me borrow her newborn baby so I could meet girls at the mall. Worked great! Also, If you've found my nephew Jake, lemme know
@thetigersez: Sometimes I think I should try to be a better person, but then I remember I'm good-looking, so I'm, like, nah.
@trevso_electric: Nice job Instagramming your plane ticket with enough personal information to take out a mortgage in your name.