@_iTrevii: You gotta Snapchat, dm, and text your girl all @ the same time. That way if you piss her off in 1 convo, you still have two lives left.
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@truegritrumble: ME:I'm a writer HER:What have you written? ME:A few books, but you wouldn't have heard of them HER:Try me ME:They go to a different school
@iwearaonesie: *wife comes out in a robe* I'm hiding your present Yes it's wrapped Nooo, it's not in the fridge [5 minutes later] IT'S NOT IN THE FRIDGE!
@sbellelauren: i know how hard it must have been for my parents to tell me there was no santa because i just had to tell my parents there's no jesus
@bmarked21: Don't expect me to tweet between 8 & 9 pm because that's when I dress like Madonna for an hour and dance provocatively in front of my pets.