@FattMernandez: You guys ever smear fake blood on your mouth, put on a ripped shirt, go in somewhere and pretend you got mugged? PEOPLE ARE SO NICE!
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@LoveYoorFate: It's like my Uncle said, no body, no crime Coworker: I only asked how your weekend was...
@LukeMones: Just saw an old lady give up her seat to another old lady on the subway...polite or the ultimate shade?
@Sir_Strange: *goes on job interview* -You come very highly recommended. -Why thank you, I always try to be as stoned as possible before I come to work.
@13spencer: One time I had a boss who called me while he was in the bathroom, and then he accidentally peed on himself, so sometimes good things happen.