@BoscoPorter: You guys ever try boiled pasta? It's not as crunchy but it's alright
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@_Tempo11: Told my dog it's too cold to go for a walk and he just saw one from the window and now I'm a liar.
@RoosterMustache: I hate when my phone corrects "hood morning" to good morning. Maybe I meant hood morning. Maybe some thug shit has happened today.
@rickygervais: RIP Ronaldo's Moth. The world's most famous footballing insect has died after a long and illustrious career. He was 6 weeks old.
@MikeDrucker: If you told Alexander Hamilton that the online lottery to see his rap musical was unavailable due to server overload, he'd be like, "WITCH!"