@The_Separatist_: You guys stole those words from the dictionary.
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@JessObsess: You really only have 2 options: 1. You can be miserable bc you're fat 2. You can be miserable bc you're hungry
@squirrel74wkgn: The teenage boy cashier just told my wife that her tampon coupon is expired...and all of Target went silent.
@DirtMcTurd: Life advice: 1.Never be afraid to say what's on your mind 2.Never be afraid to do what's on your mind 3.Don't take life advice on Twitter
@JohnLyonTweets: *walks into alma mater carrying English degree* I'd like a refund, please. This did not work as promised.