Funny Tweeter

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@Elizasoul80: "You had a life. It was this long. Here's a rock." - tombstones

“You had a life. It was this long. Here’s a rock.” – tombstones
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@ceejoyner: (One of my sons murders the other) hey cut the crap. both of you. knock it off

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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Suicide Squad spoiler: Jared Leto's Joker is so twisted he puts big spoons in the drawer slots where the little spoons go.

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@The_JRM: 5yo's pretending she's a tourist at a hotel. All good, but I draw the line when my services are criticized because the "toilet's too cold."

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@shawnspree: Me: (Insert inspirational quote here) Wife: Wow. That's deep, who said that? Me: I did. Didn't you hear me speak just now?

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