@UnFitz: The Exorcist was probably the worst workout video ever.
@ceejoyner: (One of my sons murders the other) hey cut the crap. both of you. knock it off
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Suicide Squad spoiler: Jared Leto's Joker is so twisted he puts big spoons in the drawer slots where the little spoons go.
@The_JRM: 5yo's pretending she's a tourist at a hotel. All good, but I draw the line when my services are criticized because the "toilet's too cold."
@shawnspree: Me: (Insert inspirational quote here)
Wife: Wow. That's deep, who said that?
Me: I did. Didn't you hear me speak just now?
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