@ErinEph: You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
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@House_Feminist: I took my kids' screens away so we could spend some quality time together and it turns out they are really terrible to be around
@PhilJamesson: Bing: It's Dutch! This tweet is in Dutch! Let me translate it for you! Me: no it isn't, she just said "hahahaha" Bing: come on give me a shot you won't regret this Me: fine i'll click it Bing (instantly): Could Not Translate
@roxiqt: Men love when you forget to wash your make-up off & wake up looking like an adorable raccoon but they don't love when you randomly wake them up with terrifying raccoon noises at 3 AM. Interesting. Very interesting.
@heatherlou_: "IT WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS!!!" I yell at the guy next to me at the red light while tweezing stray hairs from my chin.