@Sanbel11: You haven't Instagramed what you had for dinner yet? Please hurry up, the suspense is killing me.
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@Parentpains: If the liquor store didn't want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
@NoogsCorner: I like running up to kids, punching a puppy in the face and screaming "WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?" And that's my long-term solution to religion.
@Free_the_DJ: When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
@Black__Elvis: If I were a woman I’d probably use tampons because it seems like it would be hard to stuff a maxi pad all the way up there.