@Sanbel11: You haven't Instagramed what you had for dinner yet? Please hurry up, the suspense is killing me.
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@LifeUnPinterest: As a parent, you learn to accept you can't run away from your problems. They will find you. And they will demand fruit snacks.
@iwearaonesie: So important your wife knows you're petting the dog when she hears you say "you're getting a little chunky"
@GimpySunshine: ran out of deodorant this morning, so I spritzed on some windex. Now birds keep crashing into my armpits :(
@NervousJr: When my husband gives me shit for taking too long to get ready, I remind him that you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams.