@Sanbel11: You haven't Instagramed what you had for dinner yet? Please hurry up, the suspense is killing me.
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@WilliamRodgers: "Age is just a number" ...so is your credit score, your weight, the balance in your bank account
@BoogTweets: 911: Sir, I understand you think it did it against your will and was aggressive but we can't arrest an auto flush toilet. Me: I WASNT READY
@TheToddWilliams: COP: Do you realize you were speeding back there? ME: Can you be sure it wasn't just the planet slowing down? COP: I'm listening