@TheMichaelRock: You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I'm like that, but with salad.
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@Fred_Delicious: Apparently the rebooted bible will feature a female Jesus, and Moses will be a raccoon
@LindaInDisguise: Me: Can I dip my breadstick in your Alfredo sauce? Him: Usually it's me asking you that. 13YO: SHUT UP. STOP IT RIGHT NOW!
@ramenfuneral: that awkward moment when you stub your toe and accidentally summon the spirits of a thousand dead feet while you yell and curse
@krisv_723: Everyone on FB is posting the status- I voted. I guess it's truthful Tuesday so I posted- I once killed a hobo & hid his body in a barrel.