@TheMichaelRock: You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I'm like that, but with salad.
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@MandyUncle: If there's one thing I've learnt in life it's to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: how old is your daughter? WIFE’S FRIEND: she’s eight going on nine. ME: *whispering* That’s how numbers work
@dshack8: Anyone who's ever stood in a busy McDonald's line at 10:29am not knowing what to get has been closer to getting murdered than they realize.