@qwajo_jnr: You know that moment when you close a cupboard and hear something fall? That's the sound of someone else's problem
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@tombrodude: tinder, huh? back in my day if you wanted a girl to notice you, you had to dress like a gargoyle and cling to the roof of her parents' home
@IrishVin: Me: Can I buy that chandelier? Store guy: Of course. Are you putting it up yourself? Me: No, I'm hanging it from the ceiling.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I hate when people think my real name is Jennifer, because it's not, it's Jennitalia.
@JohnHilsen: OK it's like sure, I've MURDERED before. Big deal. Sue me. It's not like I'm a MURDERER or anything. I only do it socially.