@cambuslad: You know that pain which starts at your hip, runs down your leg, out the front door,and goes across the street to the bus stop... I've that.
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@Vodkantots: Cop: Do you know how fast you were going, ma'am? Me: Do these jeans make me look fat? Cop: You're free to go.
@WilliamAder: I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
@mydmac: DM:You're so hot, wanna Skype? Me: it is quite hot, and a skype sounds delicious. Is that vodka? DM: ME:hello...you there