@RealPrincessKim: You know that scene in 8 Mile where Eminem disses himself so the other guy has nothing to rap about? That's basically my only plan in life.
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@BradBroaddus: My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.
@YUCKYBOT: The difference between my "Maine lobster" and my "main lobster" is boiling water or a high five.
@FilthyRichmond: Our son brought weed to Show & Tell and the teacher sent him home with $50 pinned to his shirt.