@RealPrincessKim: You know that scene in 8 Mile where Eminem disses himself so the other guy has nothing to rap about? That's basically my only plan in life.
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@SarcasticAlly12: When a kid wants to snuggle it means you're about to get warmth in your heart and an elbow to every single one of your other organs.
@OreoSpeedwagon_: After seeing a commercial for Toddlers In Tiaras, I realise Darth Vader wasn't the worst parent ever.
@MarfSalvador: [Watching the sunset over Paris] BF: My darling *goes down on one knee* GF: OH MY GOD!! BF: THIS is how I proposed to my last girlfriend
@ArfMeasures: ME [trying to convince her I care] I'm so angry the big bed cushions haven't arrived WIFE: Throw pillows M: I'm that angry Karen, I might do