@TheUnseenMe: You know that warm feeling you get when you look at your spouse? It's called acid reflux.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@VerifiedDrunk: If evolution were real you'd think my body would've learned how to be drunk on its own by now.
@TheMichaelRock: News: Don't panic about Ebola, but please watch this nonstop coverage about how it could spread everywhere and kill you. Don't panic though.
@roostermustache: Me:*runs into woods* ahh I'm gonna get killed by the clowns Clown: nah we just want to scare people Me: oh. can u make an exception for me
@thetits: HER: I'd invite you in, but I never kill on a first date ME: kill? HER: haha I meant kiss stupid autocorrect ME: we are talking out loud