@TheUnseenMe: You know that warm feeling you get when you look at your spouse? It's called acid reflux.
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@SortaBad: [speed dating] her: I really want to have a child some day. What about you? me: define "child"
@imence2: Step 1:Make pillows with"Love" printed on them Step 2:Become a lawyer Step 3:Defend men who smother their GF with love Step 4:Become rich
@radtoria: Fastening a pendant around my son's neck before dying for him, "Keep this always. The audience won't recognize you as an adult without it"