@daemonic3: "You know that's not even a word, right?" I said, condescendingatively
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@Brampersandon_: BOSS: Ok so far so good. But before we finish the interview I'm gonna have you take a typing test. LOBSTER: *looking down at claws* Shit
@ericsshadow: [helping a pretty girl change a flat tire] me struggling to loosen lug nuts: Who put these on... Superman? her: I did
@Breadery: My daughter: Do you want a kiss daddy? Me: Of course. My daughter: Does it make you sad that no other girls want to kiss you? Me: Thanks.