@daemonic3: "You know that's not even a word, right?" I said, condescendingatively
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@michaelianblack: Why are we making such a big deal about the wheels on the bus going round and round? They're wheels.
@ImaFlyontheWall: Him:Dude, I went on one of those police ride alongs with my friend..it was awesome! You ever done that? Me: In the front or back of the car?
@onion_an: Doctor: Your son is lactose intolerant Me: Oh my god [later that day] Me [runs into field and punches a cow]: That's for inventing milk