@OhNoSheTwitnt: "You know, the average woman does it at least 8 times a year in her sleep." -Peter Parker attempting to convince Mary Jane to swallow
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@mattZillaaaa: [at my funeral] So young, how did he die? He ran into oncoming traffic after walking past a group of adults saying the word "bae"
@leahlovescheez: My gynecologist recognized me at the grocery store, so I guess I need to start wearing longer skirts.
@Playing_Dad: [At job interview] Interviewer: So tell me why you want this job. Me: I have no money and I prefer when I have money.
@ValeeGrrl: 6yo: ONCE I HAVE CHEST HAIR I'LL BE A MAN & THEN LADIES CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO ANYMORE Husband: *dies laughing*