@OhNoSheTwitnt: "You know, the average woman does it at least 8 times a year in her sleep." -Peter Parker attempting to convince Mary Jane to swallow
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@OBiiieeee: a girl took a grilled cheese out of her purse and threw it across the street like a frisbee to me i never thought i'd be able to love again
@hazelmotes1: I need to get in shape. If I was murdered right now my chalk outline would be a circle.
@LuckoftheDraw86: In a room full of idiots screaming their opinions at the top of their lungs, be the guy in the corner doing finger guns with his reflection.
@KalvinMacleod: [date] ME: ur jacket goes well with ur purse HER: *sits down* see it’s not hard to be complimentary ME: u mean complementary HER: *gets up*