@OhNoSheTwitnt: "You know, the average woman does it at least 8 times a year in her sleep." -Peter Parker attempting to convince Mary Jane to swallow
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@otterwrangler: Please stop giving your dogs human names. My sons Buster & Lucky are getting pretty sensitive about this!
@katiefzack: I don't throw people under the bus because there's a chance they could lay flat in the center and not get hurt, which I'm not okay with.
@Flattliner: The last time Twitter was down I was forced to speak to real people. Real people go on and on and on and on, for way over 140 characters...
@iSmashFizzle: Me: It's not illegal to be rude to cops. Them: Well, if you poke a bear, what do you expect? Me: That's why we don't make bears cops.