@SaveItForFest: You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
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@freypalm: My dad: See, when you said you'd met a "special someone" we thought… Me: Go on. My dad: Me: [taking hold of the penguin's flipper] GO ON.
@Hect0rMayorga: They offered me money to promote a product in my Twitter account, but my dignity is strong, as Axion "The true grease stain remover"
@GrumpyBahr: Preacher: God's love is unconditional! Me: Then why is there a hell? Preacher:...... Me: Your move.