@PajamaBen_: You know what I really like about you, girl? You're really down to earth. *waits for response, nothing. Goes to next tombstone* You know wha
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@jus4golf: To impress the guys I told them I was dating an artist. I didn't tell them her preferred medium was sandwiches.
@BadJordon: [ER] HIPSTER: I fell off my acoustic motorcycle & broke my mustache twirler. DOC:… H: I fell off my bike & broke my hand. D: Rub kale on it.
@KrazykurtKurt: If you tell your girlfriend you think the girl at in the corner shop fancies you, you'll never have to pop out to get bread and milk again