@TDeeRock: You know what Victoria's Secret is.. Over charging you for a tiny piece of fabric that can be pushed aside by a tongue.
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@TragicAllyHere: [Casually but methodically making my way through a party until I secure a spot next to the snacks] Quietly, as if into earpiece: "I'm in."
@MelissaJoy33: Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don't get married. If you are over 35, don't get married. If you are 35, don't get married.
@YogaButterfly_: It's amazing how kids can't think of a thing to do all day long but you put them to bed at 11 pm & they're busy working on a cure for cancer
@truegritrumble: ME: This is my newborn, straight from the hospital. OTHER PARENT: You're parenting wrong.