@llvvzz: You know what's better than being married? Everything.
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@darrinfb: I just found a halloween candy on my lawn and ate it. So I guess I AM able to live off the land if I ever needed to.
@stuckinaportal: regrets? [thinks back to the time i drunkenly watched Spy Kids 3-D & it forever ruined my netflix recommendations] yeah i've got regrets
@AnotherFunnyGuy: Her: Dude, back off. You're totally scaring away all the hot guys checking me out at the gym. Me: You do realize I'm your boyfriend right?
@TEXASVETERAN: What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, it just waved. Sea what I did there? I'm shore you did. Laugh, you son of a beach!