@llvvzz: You know what's better than being married? Everything.
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@QwertyJones3: BOSS: This team isn't performing, hire someone with a good track record [2 wks later] ME: I'd like you to meet our new employee, Usain Bolt
@lazerdoov: If you're wondering if humans are idiots we hunt ducks with guns when they will walk right up to you if you have bread
@EvansPosts: this girl was just sitting on the floor at the gym on her phone and she looked up at me and said “my boyfriend can see my location and i promised him i was gonna go to the gym more so now i just sit here and watch netflix” LMAOOOOO