@GloriaFallon123: You know you do too much online shopping when your kids start drawing pictures for the UPS man.
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@TheBoydP: The best thing about eating healthy food is all the incredible food you eat an hour later because you're so hungry...
@Cpt_Burnout: Guy: "Do you have a lighter?" Me: "Yep" Guy: "You smoke?" Me: "No, you just never know when you're gonna need to light someone on fire."
@Loving_Life1996: We are gathered here today because SOMEBODY *glares at coffin* couldn't stay alive.