@iVanillaGorilla: You know you where drunk last night when you realise you cooked your pizza for 200 minutes at 18 degrees
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@TitansHomer: My daughter just asked for a Samsung Galaxy phone. Had to sit her down and explain to her we aren't poor. #iPhone
@ericONEderful: If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don't think this relationship is going to work.
@jenstatsky: A guy who wears a ring is always a dealbreaker. If it's on his ring finger, he's married. If it's not, he's a guy who wears rings.