@TheCatWhisprer: You know you're getting fat when you make a comment about needing to lose weight and the other person doesn't say anything back.
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@kwirkyKerri: Drops empty vodka bottles in all the neighbor's recycling bins. So the garbage men don't think it's just me.
@QwertyJones3: Let's name him something that will make children smile "How about Santa?" Ok but let's add something fierce so they are afraid to defy him
@MomOfTeen: Me: Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Padre: What is your sin, my child? Me: Twitter. Padre: Wow, if I had a nickel for every time . . .
@Birdhumms: Me: Help someone is trying to gain entry to my home, send the police! Her: Calm down, where are they now? Me: Still ringing the doorbell