@TheCatWhisprer: You know you're getting fat when you make a comment about needing to lose weight and the other person doesn't say anything back.
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@trevso_electric: "Smells fresh. Like a tropical island." "Ok. Now take off the blindfold! Your family's been dead in this car for a week! We Febrezed it!"
@joeljeffrey: Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
@iinkedZombie: All of these people are screaming like they've never seen someone revving a chainsaw on a public beach.