@SamuelHLowe: You know you're old when you watch a horror movie where annoying, partying college kids get murdered and you identify with the killer.
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@iGreenMonk: She said she was turned on by men who took risks. So he took the plastic off his iPhone screen.
@noogscorner: The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What's your point?
@DadandBuried: They say kids grow up fast but I just licked my thumb & wiped my son's face so parents grow up fast too. I've already become my grandmother.
@lazerdoov: I like to picture my mom in the middle of the crowd at a Wu Tang concert, hands on her hips, just shouting grammar corrections back at them