@_Awwsomeness_: You know you're single when the only calls you get at night are Nature's.
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@Parentpains: Some coworkers remind me of my ex, because I would jump in front of a bus to get out of a conversation with them too.
@Vodkantots: It's like my nana always used to say: If you really hate him that much, just marry him and then get fat.
@ScottLinnen: Turns out telling a friend "you're giving off a weird vibe tonight" is not the most direct way to tell them they're on fire
@JasonLight73: Duck you AutoCorrect! You Blimb! I'm way more BadApps than you make me out to be! You Ducking piece of shed..BuckFace Toothless Bastilleday!