@_Awwsomeness_: You know you're single when the only calls you get at night are Nature's.
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@3sunzzz: Monday 8am: I write a list of things that must get done today. Monday 6pm: I scratch MON off of the top of the entire list and write TUES.
@Ivsy01: A guy in line next to me just asked me to hold his coffee and I'm like I'm not looking for anything serious right now.
@causticbob: My wife said "You only love me because my father left me a million pounds." "That's not true, I'd still love you whoever left it to you"
@noog: Mirror mirror on the wall, can I call you Jim or something cuz I'm not saying mirror mirror on the wall every time. That's just ridiculous