@_Awwsomeness_: You know you're single when the only calls you get at night are Nature's.
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@Tommytoughstuff: [briefing] CIA DIRECTOR: We have a leak... CIA PLUMBER: (slowly stands up) CIA DIRECTOR: In our operation. CP: (slowly sits back down)
@seethenare: age 9- *jumps off fences, feels fine* age 19- *jumps off garage on a dare, feels fine* age 39- *takes Aleve cuz I "slept funny"
@Ristolable: 100% of car accidents happen within exactly five miles of something. If you're within five miles of anything right now, move.