@JerseyRambo: You know you're watching Star Wars with Catholics when every time you hear "May the Force be with you," you hear, "And also with you."
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@UncleDuke1969: *pulls up pants* Me: It feels like I've got the world's worst wedgie! Proctologist: That's normal. M: ... P: Hey... Have you seen my glove?
@muyrando: If any of my ex-girlfriends are reading this, I want you to know I'm eating chicken nuggets with THREE different dipping sauces, you blew it
@grievre: 20 yr old me: dude holy shit you have to try ecstasy 30 yr old me: dude holy shit you have to try using properly sharpened kitchen knives