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@thebeckyard: You laugh at the burrito in my purse, until you get hungry.
@pleatedjeans: [tells friend cat passed away]
Is there anything I can do?
Yes [holds up fur coat] put this on & lie in my lap
@kathybotteas: I got mood poisoning. Must have been something I hate.
@buttgh0st: "sir can you describe the stingray that attacked you?"
yes it was like a weird pancake
@Sickayduh: I bet the guy who invented fake dog shit was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
@DrDumbDum: You wouldn't know her. She goes to a different Internet