@thebeckyard: You laugh at the burrito in my purse, until you get hungry.
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@JaySuch: When I see someone texting and driving I swerve my car into them and try to run them off the road cause texting and driving is illegal.
@iwearaonesie: *spins in chair* Ah, Mr. Bond. I’ve been expect- *cat sitting in my lap freaks out and scratches the shit out of me*
@JoePetroske: Interview Tip: When you get the "where do you see yourself in 5 years" question, don't say "post-apocalyptic tribal warlord".