@shutupmikeginn: You learn something new everyday. Yesterday I learned eating 29 SlimJims gives me diarrhea. Today I learned eating 28 also gives me diarrhea
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@Home_Halfway: DATE: So what do you like to do? ME: Enter hot dog breeding contests DATE: You mean "eating?" ME: *thrusting hot dogs together carefully* No
@david8hughes: Everybody mad at me like it's common knowledge to wait til after the eulogy before you start clapping. Sorry I didn't go to funeral college.
@evilmallelis: those ads for The Heavy Blanket are all well and good but why does it stop at 25 pounds, where is the blanket that will crush me like a benevolent snake