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@lnsaneTweets: You look like something I'd draw with my left hand
@itsbeben11: Shortest Horror Story:
Tomorrow is MONDAY again!
@BabetteJones: One night stand because my bedroom is narrow.
@causticbob: When your prospective father-in-law asks:"Why do you ask for my daughters hand in marriage?"
Do NOT say:"Because I am tired of using my own"
@GloriaFallon123: My daughter is such a happy little person she giggles in her sleep, which makes me worry that somehow she's not my biological offspring
@jakob_huber: One of the most romantic things a rose can do for another rose is leave a trail of human body parts from the front door to the bedroom.