@LukeErd: You love him. Your parents approve him. He buys you flowers and chocolate. He wrote you a poem that rhymes "wood" with "food."
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@UrbanDouchebag: I'm going to hire a Priest, a Doctor and a Rabbi to walk into a bar together just to see WTF happens. Backup Plan: I'll also bring a horse.
@SteveKoehler22: Our daughter ran away from home once when she was a teenager. We were frantic. Within months, we called the police to report her missing.
@tealbluejay: Calm down penguins. You're just a flashy suit and a few body parts away from being a platypus.
@notacroc: Sensei: always expect the unexpected *pulls out picnic blanket* Me: *instantly pulls out picnic basket* Sensei: *hands me ninja diploma*