@ibid78: You, me, a bottle of wine, soft music, a picnic basket, a strange growl, a bear, a tree, coyotes, a rescue chopper, a hospital, dessert.
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@david8hughes: Wife: can you change the baby Me: oh thank god. I'm so glad you said that. Yes, yes I will Wife: I don't mean swap it for a new one Me: ...
@SequelsWeWant: Batman V Superman 2: Both men agree their last battle was too destructive They settle their differences by playing Uno Loser leaves earth
@JermHimselfish: Whipped cream is just shaving cream that does whatever it's girlfriend tells it to do.
@jazmasta: Dear iPhone, I have typed "haha" like a million times, but yet you continually give me "haga", "hsha", "gaga", "hahss", "hahs" I hate you