@Adam_Leedham: You need to fix your sign you....you....you DIVS.
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@ibid78: [me after 1 minute of jogging] this is good, this was a good decision [me after 3 minutes of jogging] life is suffering, there is no god
@sarcasticmommy4: If I had a dollar for every time one of my kids said "Mom, you're not funny", I could buy a beach house. And live by myself.
@dafloydsta: [marriage counseling] She's always getting mad at me "There's a shark living in our pool" IT WAS SHARK WEEK AND HE WAS ON SALE, KAREN
@skickwriter: I appreciate and am so thankful for all law enforcement officers ...until I'm driving.