@Subtle_Red: You never know how strong you are until you have to move your furniture all alone.
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@BruceForce: Trying to convince my wife that the white powder on my nose is cocaine to hide the fact I've eaten a large sugary donut
@sumpeoplelikeit: If you have a tattoo on your head, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at.
@Breadery: Brain: Walk up to her and offer her a drink. Me: I WANT TO DRINK YOU LIKE A SIPPY CUP. Brain: Can you actually hear me?