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@jnapsalot: You never realize how a dirty a song is until you hear a 3 year old sing it.
@ReelQuinn: NAZI: I’m a Nazi
MEDIA: How controversial
NAZI: I said I was a Nazi
MEDIA: Your clothes are beautifully tailored
@therealeatwood: MUGGER: Yo give me your wallet
ME: Stand back! I have a black belt in Shaq Fu
ME: Hiii-YAH! [badly misses a free throw]
@ConanOBrien: My wife hasn’t touched me since the election. She took Gore’s loss pretty hard.
@WinterRae82: Knee socks are a hard look to pull off when you're only 5'2. I don't even have legs
@KenJennings: Yes, in fact I DO know what it's like to bleed like crazy once a month. That's my flossing schedule.