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@jnapsalot: You never realize how a dirty a song is until you hear a 3 year old sing it.
@Jay_FrickinLynn: ME: I fell in the shower.
HIM: Send pics
@MrGeorgeWallace: Shout out to the top 5 phones, mega, micro, smart, speaker and get off the damn.
@InternetHippo: *phone rings*
SATAN: Hey I bought your soul on Craigslist last week?
ME: No returns
SATAN: Please. It's making me sad
@Kirangandhi: 911 - wats ur emergency?
- i got stuck in some magnets
911 - who are u?
- Iron man
@jonnysun: *stares at phone*
why cant i sleep
*puts phone face-up on bed, the screen brigtness bathes my room in a light mor powerfubl than the sun*