@thomasdynamic: You play the cards life deals you. They are Monopoly cards. You are a small pewter dog and you have won second prize in a beauty contest.
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@noog: The year is 2200. All fossil fuels are depleted. Our only source for coal is Santa Claus. Everyone must be naughty for the sake of mankind.
@Prof_Hinkley: [announcement over PA at work] "FREE TACOS IN THE BREAKROOM" *I walk there so fast the noise from my corduroys breaks everyone's eyeglasses*
@ManJuggs: I like to throw a fake punch at a hooker's crotch. If she flinches, I know it's a dude.
@d_duhwit: Enviromentalists:"How can we stop the rising oceans Me (understands displacement but not enviromentalism):"Pull all those big whales out.