@thomasdynamic: You play the cards life deals you. They are Monopoly cards. You are a small pewter dog and you have won second prize in a beauty contest.
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@AristotlesNZ: Cop failed me on the sobriety test even tho I not only touched my nose like he asked but went on & totally nailed the rest of the macarena.
@Reverend_Scott: [Paranormal Investigator shows up at Disney World] Ok, show me this so-called "haunted mansion"
@huntigula: If you watch "The Empire Strikes Back" backwards it's about a kid so traumatized to learn his dad's identity he starts hitting on his sister
@pevbim: I've never held a baby before "It'll be fine" *I accidentally put the baby in a box and mail it to North Korea*