@GibJimson: You put the shhh in bullshhhit.
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@GuyThe_Guy: They say if you choose a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life. I have to work tomorrow.
@jakehightower34: Evil Scientist: I will turn you three into...A Human Centipede! Hostage 1: No! Hostage 2: Please! No! Me: So...who gets to be the front?
@trentistweeting: "My date was cute but he couldnt perform in the bedroom." *cuts to me in bedroom butchering Wonderwall on guitar* i swear this never happens
@BoogTweets: *Full parking lot* Me: IF THERE IS A GOD, FIND ME A SPOT AND I WILL BECOME RELIGIOUS! *spot opens up* Me: NEVER MIND, I FOUND ONE!