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@GibJimson: You put the shhh in bullshhhit.
@frogpissmouth: moses: watch me split the red sea in half
red sea: i've got a boyfriend
@lazerdoov: Jerk chicken is just regular chicken that didn't let it's daughter go to prom
@Shock_Monster: Frozen pizza recalled?
The government appears to have changed tactics to combat drug users:
Legalize pot, but take away their food.
@briangaar: Son, that bear is more afraid of you than you are of ... oh wow, that bear is being really brave right now.
@weinerdog4life: When there were a lot footprints in the sand, that was a bunch of jesus's chasing you