@Brentweets: You say potato, I say get the hell out of my bathroom
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@SteveKoehler22: The NFL has hired their first female referee. She will throw flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
@AaronNevins: You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.
@envydatropic: I'm no auto mechanic but I'm pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
@Elizasoul80: [At auto store] Employee: How can we get you to walk out of here with 4 tires? "Sir, you are wildly overestimating my strength."